2.24.2010

Thinking Out Loud

I am hidden in the corner of a nostalgic coffee house in Marshall, North Carolina. As the steam rises from my cup, the flurries outside hint of a coming storm. And I am perhaps, the only local resident not rushing off to stock up on canned goods and bottled water.

Instead, I am contemplating the words of Richard Rohr, and deliberately pondering his suggestion that everything belongs.

"One always learns one's mystery
at the price of one's innocence."

In a recent conversation with my sister, she asked me how I have changed from recent years. I have been thinking much about that question, and wondering if I have become unrecognizable from the charismatic dragon-slayer I once presented. I confess that somewhere between Once Upon a Time and Happily Ever After, the bridge collapsed. In the gravity of my fall, the crash landing has produced a few open wounds, and my passion has leaked.

My passion has leaked. There is no eloquent way to speak of it. If I have assumed a new identity, it is a surrender of yes and all and whatever. I am not yearning for a retreat to Egypt, nor have I the stamina to stumble forward to Elim. Instead, I have collapsed here beside the bitter waters of Marah.

If I ever make it to the Oasis of Elim, it will have been for the gracious transport of pneumatic strength. Here, by the rivers of Babylon, I am resigning my harp on the barren tree branches. You go ahead and sing; I will listen.

3 comments:

jenna said...

you are such a beautiful writer, Jerry. I so appreciate your honesty and brokenness and passion. Blessings upon you and those beautiful girls of yours - including the one yet unknown :)

Jamie Jo said...

I love you!

Jen Wags said...

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even know what or where Elim or Marah were. I'm thankful that even though your not deciding to take the voyage today, Elim is still (just around the corner)....

I loved our talk... I miss seeing your face and I'm so glad I can pick up the phone when I need encouragement and listening ear. xo